Rock Lee's Path on the Road to Ninja
by HighQueen
Summary: Unknowingly trapped in Madara's genjutsu, poor Lee is astonished by his friends' abnormal personality flip-flops. Kakashi is punctual, Tenten can't aim a weapon, Neji is a mega-pervert, Sasuke is a mega-flirt, Hinata's quite the dominatrix and Kiba loves cats. And why isn't Tsunade the Hokage again? AU, OOC, set in Road to Ninja movieverse. NejiTen, NaruHina, SasuSaku.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto_

_Author's Note: This is AU in that it is set in Madara's genjutsu or whatever. Basically the alternate universe in the Road to Ninja movie._

_Considering the movie hasn't released, I don't know any plot details, except that I think Madara does some genjutsu which alters everyone's personalities except for apparently, Naruto's, Sakura's and Lee's. _

_So this is a fun and sort of plotless little oneshot where I'm writing about some of the interactions between the AU!characters._

_Everyone is going to be VERY OOC. But I think that's one of the premises of the movie, in case you guys have seen the drawings that have released, and the manga covers. I derived the new character personalities from those._

_If you're not up to date with Road to Ninja info and gossip this entire story is going to be confusing, pointless and overall stupid for you. Just warning you! Don't flame me after saying 'OMG so-and-so would NEVER act like that!' because I KNOW THEY WOULDN'T, the genjutsu alters personalities apparently, that's the point._

_It's from Rock Lee's perspective (let's assume for a moment that Naruto and Sakura aren't the only ones trapped in the genjutsu) and that's all I'm going to say for now._

_Also, the character personalities, different or not, are extremely exaggerated, just for kicks. _

_Hope you enjoy it! This one-shot is in honor of the movie that's releasing in three days! Please review! __J_

:::::

Rock Lee was in a good mood that day.

Considering his overly optimistic nature and his fervent enthusiasm for life in general, this was not particularly noteworthy.

However, his long strides seemed unusually light (despite the tons of weights strapped to his calves), his teeth gleamed more effervescently than usual, and his shiny mop of hair bounced up and down merrily like some sort of magical moving mushroom as he ran (or rather sprinted at an inhumanly fast pace) towards his training grown.

Today would be an extremely good day because his good friends Neji and Tenten had just gotten back from a mission, and Gai-sensei had promised that he would teach Lee a new jutsu.

It would be an impossibly good day, because Lee would master his new jutsu within hours, and then Gai-sensei would be impressed and moved to tears, and after hugging the boy fiercely amid splashing waves and a setting sun, he would treat his three students to dinner at that great new sushi joint which Sakura often frequented during her breaks from the hospital and –

"YAAAAHHH!"

"Hey! Watch where you're going!"

Lee was jolted out of his little reverie as he barreled into something – or rather someone, and was thrown backwards.

He looked up, at the man who was staring at him, arms in his pockets, eyes half hidden by a forehead protector and an unruly mop of silver hair that defied gravity to the extent that Gai-sensei had firmly maintained the man used chakra to style it.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Lee cried, leaping to his feet, "My sincerest apologies! I did not mean to bump into you-"

"Enough, enough," Kakashi waved him off, "A ninja must always be on his guard and all that, but my question is what are you doing up so early in the morning?"

"I'm going for training!" Lee said, shooting Kakashi a dazzling smile, "Every Saturday I wake up at 4:30 a.m, so I can start training at 5! Gai-sensei says the earlier you start, the more productive you become!"

"Does he now?" Kakashi considered this, before nodding enthusiastically, "It sounds like a great idea! I should try this awesome new training regime with my team as well!"

Too Lee's great surprise, Kakashi then pulled a hand out of his pocket, and instead of flipping out his omnipresent orange book full of unspeakable things, he gave Lee a thumb's up.

A thumb's up.

And though Lee couldn't tell clearly, from the way Kakashi's mask crinkled, he was pretty certain the man was flashing him a smile large enough to blind an Uchiha.

"I'm used to waking up early to train myself, but I'm not sure Naruto will be too pumped about the idea…" Kakashi was saying to himself, "Well, I suppose there are ways of blackmail- er – convincing him…"

Lee paused, cocking his head and surveying Kakashi for a moment.

"Kakashi-sensei – um – are you alright?" he couldn't help but ask.

"I'm quite dandy, as always Lee, why do you ask?" Kakashi replied, and Lee noticed he was speaking louder than usual.

Kakashi usually spoke softly, calmly – according to Gai it added to his 'coolness factor'.

"Today is an excellent day to train, excellent weather yes, we musn't waste a minute of it!" Kakashi said excitedly, "As shinobi there are really only three things we should do on a free day, and those are eat, sleep and train – and I suppose, if there's a kunoichi who's hot enough and into the Sharingan, one could always-"

He rambled on to himself, and Lee narrowed his round eyes.

"So you're – you're going training too, Kakashi-sensei?" Lee asked, "At this time?"

"Of course I am!" Kakashi all but shouted at him, sounding almost affronted, "I always start training at 5 am sharp, every day, not a minute late! I'm just surprised to see one of Gai's pupils emulating my admirable habits!"

Lee took a step back.

"But – but – the early training was Gai-sensei's idea!" he protested.

"Utter nonsense!" Kakashi scoffed, waving him off, "Gai-sensei wakes up to train early in the morning? Psh, please. You're more likely to see me reading Icha Icha Paradise…"

"But – don't you love those books?" Lee queried, scrunching his thick eyebrows.

"WHAT?" Kakashi rounded on him, and Lee was pretty sure from the expression in his one visible eye that the man was frothing at the mouth.

"Sensei?" Lee cried.

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME!" Kakashi shouted, "Of liking, or even reading that – that _filth! _I would never – disgusting – wrong – I'm a shinobi – Icha Icha indeed – Jiraiya-sama most _disgraceful _legacy –"

He ranted on, and Lee, now more confused than ever by this apparent personality flip, took this as his cue to leave.

"I have to go for training, sensei," he said quickly, "I'll see you later!"

"TRAINING INDEED! I'M PROUD OF YOU, YOUNG MAN! YOUR HEART BURNS WITH THE FIRE OF DEDICATION AND IT IS INSPIRING!"

Kakashi's fiery proclamations echoed behind him, and from the corner of his eyes (or rather, from the circumference, considering his eyes were perfectly round and thus lacked corners), Lee swore he saw the man's arm shooting out in another uncharacteristic thumb's up.

:::::

"I'm sorry I'm late Gai-sensei!" Lee announced as he landed in the clearing of their training ground, "But I bumped into Kakashi-sensei and – Gai-sensei?"

Lee looked around the clearing, surprised.

It wasn't like Gai-sensei to be tardy.

"I suppose he has a most youthful and honorable reason," Lee decided loyally, and began stretching as he commenced his intense work out.

As he punched and kicked repeatedly at a large tree, Lee pondered Kakashi-sensei's behavior. It was odd, and extremely unlike him.

If anything, it was the opposite of what he normally was like.

Lee's train of thought was halted however, at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Lee!"

"Tenten!" Lee spun around, mid-kick, eyes shining, "You're back from your mission!"

He was by her side, enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug.

"Ack – Lee – you're choking me!" Tenten struggled in his strong hold, before pushing him off, "Geez, it's nice to see you, but you have to calm down!"

"Haha, sorry Tenten," Lee grinned sheepishly, "So how was the mission?"

"It was good, pretty easy, just a B-rank," Tenten said casually, and they continued their conversation as Lee resumed mauling the tree, and Tenten pulled out a kunai for target practice.

A few moments later, however, Lee felt a something graze his cheek, and leapt back.

"Ah!" he cried, bringing his hand to his cheek. It stung, and when he pulled it away, he was shocked to see a line of blood had smudged onto his skin.

"Oh kami-sama, I am _so _sorry Lee!" Tenten shrieked, running towards him.

He turned his gaze slightly, and saw a kunai gleaming between the blades of grass.

"You – you – you attacked me?" Lee couldn't believe it, and his eyes started watering, "Tenten! Why are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Did I offend you?"

"No – no no, not at all!" Tenten said hastily, "It wasn't your fault, it was mine, the kunai slipped, and I-"

"Wait, _what?"_

Lee was flabbergasted, and he stared at Tenten in shock.

"I'm so sorry," Tenten said despondently, "I was aiming at that target and-"

Lee turned his head to the target she was pointing at.

The target which was _two entire feet _away from him.

"You missed," Lee said, staring at Tenten, "Your kunai _slipped, _and you _missed. Your _kunai slipped and _you _missed."

"Yes, I did, and I said I'm sorry," Tenten said, now growing impatient, "Stop rubbing it in, will you, I'm trying to improve-"

"Improve?" Lee cried hysterically, "Improve what? Your aim is _perfect _Tenten! You _never _miss!"

"Look it's nice of you to try to cheer me up," Tenten said, her face dropping, "But I know my own weaknesses, Lee…"

She bent down to pick up the fallen kunai, and began twirling it around her finger.

"Just yesterday on the mission, I threw a shuriken at an enemy shinobi and would've ended up giving Neji a bob-cut if he hadn't deflected it away with his kaiten… I swear, I think _he _was more likely to kill me than the enemies at that point... and I keep tearing my own clothes by mistake so they're all patched up and – ah!"

She fumbled for a second, and then hissed, as the kunai slipped out of her grasp, and fell to the floor.

"Tenten?"

"Damnit," Tenten cursed, bringing her index finger to her lips, and sucking on it, "Cut myself again… freaking kunai, so freaking sharp, I hate them…"

Lee's eyes nearly popped out of his mushroomed head at this statement.

Tenten was saying she _hated _weapons.

Tenten, the Weapons Mistress of Konoha, the weapons specialist – the girl who was freakishly obsessed with sharp metal to the extent that Naruto had once called it a fetish (this hadn't ended well for the future Hokage-to-be).

Tenten, the girl who had weapons hidden in her clothes, and perhaps even in her underwear (another hypothesis of Naruto, which predictably, also hadn't ended well).

And _that _very Tenten was saying that she hated weapons.

And she had cut herself by accident.

And she had also cut Lee by accident.

And she had missed – Tenten who never missed by even half a centimeter and who hit her target ten out of ten times – had missed her target, by an entire _two feet._

It was implausible.

However, Lee didn't have time to recover from the implausibility of it all, because at that time, his other teammate chose to make an appearance.

"Tenten-chan! Lee!"

"Neji-kun!" Tenten cried, spinning around.

"Tenten-chan? Neji-kun?" Lee muttered aloud.

It struck him strange, as neither of the two had ever deemed it necessary to use honorifics when addressing one another. They were so close, that it wasn't really even needed.

"Just got out of the hot springs," Neji said, looking extremely satisfied with himself for some reason, "It was most calming."

"Hot springs?" Tenten narrowed her eyes at him, "Men's or women's?"

"Men's, of course men's," Neji said, chuckling, "I'm very much a man even with my long hair, I'll have you know, so need need to cut it all off."

"Sorry about that," Tenten muttered, flushing, "And that was an accident, I know you're a man."

"Just checking," Neji said, winking, "In case you need clarification, I could always prove it to you-"

"Neji-kun!" Tenten squealed, flushing darker, "Shut up!"

Lee didn't quite understand what was going on, but he had the feeling that Neji's last comment had been exceedingly inappropriate in a way that he couldn't comprehend.

"Well anyways," Neji said coolly, flipping his long hair, which Lee noted, he hadn't tied, "Spar with me?"

"Sure," Tenten said, regaining her composure and walking towards her pack.

Neji nodded, looking over her intently as she bent over her pack, rummaging for her scrolls.

The veins around his eyes were pulsing, and Lee noticed that he had his dojutsu activated already.

"Neji?" Lee asked suddenly, "Why is your Byakugan on, you haven't even started sparri-eeeeaaaaahhh!"

Lee leapt backwards, as a barrage of shuriken came flying in his direction.

"TENTEN!" he shouted, shocked that she would unleash her metal at him for the second time that morning, "Why?"

"I'm SO sorry, those weren't meant for you!" Tenten cried hysterically, before pulling out a pair of nunchaks and charging at Neji, who was still staring straight ahead, Byakugan fully activated.

"PERVERT!" Tenten screeched, jumping up and swinging her nunchaks, "ECCHI!"

She leapt at Neji, but her blows were sadly misplaced, and the nunchaks hit the ground every time, ripping up large dents in the grass.

Neji didn't even have to try, and he stood there with his arms crossed, and a most ungentlemanly leer on his face as his Byakugan gaze remained fixed on his teammate, who was dancing around in vain, trying to make her weapon go where she wanted it to.

"You should really stop bouncing so much," he commented, grinning lecherously, and Tenten screamed out in frustration.

"YOU LECH! I'LL KILL YOU!"

She discarded the nunchaks, nearly bringing out Lee's head in the process as she tossed them to the side, and pulled out a large katana.

"That's a large katana you have there, Tenten-chan," Neji observed, "But I bet mine's larger…"

"SHUT UP OR I'LL STICK YOU WITH THIS!" Tenten threated, brandishing her weapon.

"I don't think I'd like that, don't really swing that way," Neji said smoothly, dodging her easily, "How about _I _stick _you _with something _else_ –"

"WHY YOU-"

"Want me to stick _my _katana into _your _sheath, Tenten-chan?"

Lee watched his teammates, who usually got along swimmingly, fight it out. Tenten was furious – her face was flushed and she was clearly trying very hard to beat Neji, though her efforts weren't too successful.

Neji was only edging her on with the most lewd comments, which were most unfitting of him; he usually maintained a sense of courtesy, decorum and decency that most men didn't possess. It was unlike him to behave with such scandalous outrage, and the salacious expression on his face was downright disturbing.

Lee couldn't focus on Neji or his ridiculous behavior for too long; he had to keep his eyes fixed on Tenten.

Tenten who was unleashing weapon after weapon.

Unfortunately, her rage only seemed to worsen her already dismal aim, and this meant that Lee had to leap and dodge as his crazed teammate threw her projectiles in every possible direction except for Neji's.

Finally Tenten seemed to lose her patience after another one of Neji's innuendos: he had leered at her and mentioned something about "being good with his fingers" and "stimulating her chakra points till she screamed".

Lee winced at Tenten's furious expression though Neji just continued to leer unashamedly.

The girl bought out two familiar scrolls, and drew her finger against the paper – she didn't need to bite it, seeing that she was already bleeding in multiple places – all self-inflicted accidental wounds.

"Tenten, no-" Lee began, but Tenten didn't care, and Neji's eyes were too fixed on her chest or other parts of her anatomy to bother trying to stop her.

"TWIN RISING DRAGONS!"

"KAITEN!" Neji managed to spin into his jutsu just in time, though it wasn't really necessary.

A couple knives and a large scythe bounced off his chakra shield, but the rest of the weapons exploded outwards from Tenten's form, whizzing through the air and lacerating branches and cutting leaves and forcing Lee to take shelter behind a large oak tree to avoid being shredded.

After the onslaught was over and all of Tenten's weapons clattered uselessly to the ground, Neji emerged from his Kaiten and smirked.

"You're in my _range,_" he informed Tenten, and the perverted smirk grew wider as Tenten's eyes widened in shock.

"Don't you _dare touch me-"_

"Eight Trigram – Two Palm!" Neji leapt forwards, arms outstretched, hands like bared claws; it was unlike his usual Jyuuken hand motion in which he jabbed the opponent with two fingers, and Lee wondered why he'd changed it until-

"AAAAAAHHHHHH! DIEEEE!"

Tenten's scream nearly shattered Lee's eardrums, and she managed to bend over backwards just in time, so that Neji's eager hands barely grazed against her chest.

By the time she was back up, she looked positively murderous, and her fist connected with Neji's jaw with a sickening crack; finally aimed right.

"I WILL FUCKING CASTRATE YOU!" Tenten shrieked.

"You can – get in my pants – if you want – but don't cut it off –" Neji panted, as he dodged and ducked under her blows, "You may find – at a point – you'll miss it –"

"I WILL TAKE THAT STICK LODGED UP YOUR BACKSIDE AND BEAT YOU WITH IT-"

"Again – I don't like things going up me – four palms!" Neji bit out, now on the offensive, his fingers flying, "I prefer doing the going up myself – and to be honest – eight palms - the front is better than the back – though if you prefer- sixteen palms -"

"GAH!" Tenten exploded, exceedingly frustrated as she maneuvered her body so that Neji's blows actually hit her _chakra points _rather than other areas he seemed to be aiming at.

Lee figured she was pretty desperate if she was _letting _herself get hit in the chakra points rather than letting him poke her elsewhere on her body.

He watched his teammates for a few more seconds. Neji was poking at Tenten furiously, his Byakugan pulsing, and his teeth bared in the most lascivious smile ever. Lee suddenly realized that the Hyuuga jutsu did have a _lot _of touching and poking and prodding.

Had it never hit him how inappropriate that was?

Of course, with Tenten's shrieking, and Neji's lecherous expression and remarks, the revered Jyuuken had been reduced to some sort of external rape weapon, it seemed.

And then Tenten pulled out an enormous scroll with the kanji for explosives, and Lee decided it was best he vacate their training ground as soon as possible and find Gai-sensei and allow him to handle this mess.

Neji and Tenten were being unpredictably _insane _and he didn't want to suffer injuries due to his teammates' craziness, which had clearly reached unprecedented levels.

Lee sprinted out of the forest as fast as his weighted legs and gates-closed-body would let him, and not a second too late, he heard a series of loud explosions.

:::::

Lee ran frantically through the village, in search of Gai-sensei; he still hadn't completely absorbed what had transpired earlier with his completely out of character teammates.

Only Gai-sensei would know what to do in such a ludicrous situation.

He slowed down as he reached the market area – he'd already run a lap around the village, and Gai-sensei was nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps he should ask one of the other shinobi. Someone would surely have seen him, walking around to village on his hands, probably on his 293rd lap…

Lee finally spotted a familiar-looking mop of platinum blonde hair.

"Ino-san!" he called, "Hey, Ino-san!"

The girl turned around and looked at Lee cautiously.

"Um – hey," Ino murmured softly, "Did you um – did you want something?"

"Ino-san," Lee began, but then stopped abruptly, squinting at her.

"Wh-what?" the girl asked, taking a step back.

"You look different, Ino-san," Lee observed, "Your hair, it's – it's down."

"Whatever are you talking about?" Ino asked, looking embarrassed.

"Your hair," Lee repeated, gesticulating with his hands at her long ponytail, which was, indeed, resting low at the back of her neck, "It's always up! It's down now! Have you switched to a more hep hairstyle? Do you think Gai-sensei and I should change ours as well?"

"I – I don't know what you're talking about," Ino muttered, looking at the ground, "And um – it's your hair, so wh-why would my opinion matter?"

Lee was taken aback. Ino had surely, in the past, made certain obnoxious comments about his hairstyle (and Sakura's, which Lee had been quick to defend, which is why, in fact, Ino had turned to slighting his own).

And since when was she so quite? And shy?

Lee then realized that wasn't the only thing different about her. Not that he particularly noticed or cared, but it was hard not to see that on a daily basis, Ino's choice of habiliment tended to be rather revealing.

But today... today the girl was entirely conservative, not an inch of extra skin showing. Her skirt was long and her shirt covered her stomach.

It wasn't an unbecoming outfit, but on Ino it just didn't look right.

"Anyways – um – I – I'm afraid I haven't seen Gai-sensei," Ino began, still staring at the ground.

"OY! INO-PIG!"

Both Lee and Ino whirled around to the source of the noise, Lee's eyes lighting up immediately.

"Sakura-san!" Lee cried, his heart leaping at the sign of his future (and self-professed) girlfriend.

Sakura, however, ignored him, and stormed towards her best friend slash rival (perhaps frenemy was an adequate label), her short pink hair flying behind her.

"Sa-Sakura?" Ino looked surprise at the pinkette's evident vehemence, "Is something the matter?"

"Yes, there is!" Sakura snapped, her green eyes flashing as she glowered at Ino, "I saw Sasuke-kun leaving your store ten minutes ago. Spill, _Pig, _what lies did you spin to trap him there? And what did you do to _my _Sasuke-kun?"

"Sasuke-kun?" Lee questioned, "But he's not – he's joined the Akatsuki-"

Both Ino and Sakura looked at him in surprise, before Sakura shot him a withering glare.

"Lee! How could you say something so terrible about Sasuke-kun!" she reprimanded him, before turning back to Ino, who cowered slightly.

"I – I didn't do anything – he came there himself – to - to buy flowers," Ino stammered, blushing.

"Like hell he did!" Sakura cried, clenching her fists, "Sasuke's mine, you leave him alone!"

"I – I'm not trying to – to steal him from you," Ino defended herself, "But he is – really cute and –"

"Why would Sasuke buy flowers anyways?" Sakura pressed, "He doesn't do stuff like that and-"

"Actually, Sakura, you might be surprised," a smooth voice cut in, causing both Ino and Sakura to turn bright red.

"Sasuke-kun!" they cried out simultaneously, whirling around.

"WH-WHAT?" Lee yelped, his mouth dropping open.

"Hey," Sasuke greeted, flicking back his dark bangs and smirking.

He was there, it was him, and even though Lee couldn't distinguish between shadow clones or different chakras or genjutsu, it certainly seemed like him.

But he looked so – different.

He was wearing dark pants and a dark blue shirt, a few buttons open to reveal his toned chest, though that particularly style quirk wasn't anything new. Naruto had once called the Uchiha an exhibitionist.

But there was no Akatsuki cloak. No weapon.

There were, however, flowers. A bouquet of roses, prettily wrapped in clear paper with a blue and pink ribbon; quite a dramatic change from the usual katana he carried.

Moreover, he seemed more relaxed, almost friendly; he wasn't emanating the usual hate waves and vengeful aura he usually did.

His expression wasn't schooled into his perpetual mask of indifference, and he was smirking rather than scowling.

His eyes were still coal black, but they didn't hold their usual frigid coldness; rather they were warm, and almost human, and they were currently directed at Sakura.

_His _Sakura.

Suddenly, Lee was struck by the presence of a problem much larger than the potential disaster that could be wreaked by the arrival of a missing-nin with an ambition to decimate their village.

"What are you doing here?" Lee demanded, sliding into his fighting stance, "I challenge you to fight me, right now!"

"No thanks," Sasuke glanced at him sideways, looking uninterested, and turned his gaze back on Sakura, who blushed.

"Ignore him, Sasuke-kun, he doesn't know what he's saying," she said.

"Sakura-san!" Lee cried, insulted, "How could you say that? Don't you find anything wrong with this! He – he's here! In Konoha!"

"Why is my being in my village such a problem to you?" Sasuke asked haughtily.

"Because – because –" Lee flailed at a loss of words.

How could they act so unaware to the fact that he was a wanted missing-nin and murderer and member of a terrorist organization? Even Sakura, though she was his ex-teammate… Lee had expected more loyalty to the village, at least from her.

"Sakura-san," Lee began, bowing his head, "I'm disappointed. I thought that at least you-"

Sakura giggled, and then Lee realized she wasn't even listening to him.

He looked up, and the sight that met his eyes made him want to Primary Lotus something right that instant.

Something being Sasuke Uchiha's smug, smirking _face._

"Really? For me?" Sakura was saying, staring at the bouquet which was being presented to her, her cheeks red, "Sasuke-kun…"

"Only for you," Sasuke replied, winking, before he slid an arm around Sakura's shoulders and pulled her towards him, "That's why I visited the flower shop this morning, so you don't need to get jealous."

"I – I wasn't –" Sakura stammered, but Sasuke just grinned at her, and she shut up, staring at him adoringly.

He then leaned down slightly, kissing her right on her forehead.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura gasped, her face matching the color of the flowers in her hand.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun," Ino bit out, her lip trembling and her eyes glossy with tears.

A moment later, she had turned around and run away, leaving just Sasuke, Sakura and Lee.

"So, Sakura," Sasuke said silkily, apparently unaware of the anguish he had just induced in poor Ino, "How about me and you go somewhere nice and get something to eat?"

He spoke so confidently and surely, and Lee wanted to do serious damage. Reverse Lotus would be more appropriate treatment.

Sakura _couldn't _possibly agree to his offer! He was a traitor!

"Like – a date?" Sakura gasped.

"Well, I guess you could call it that," Sasuke murmured, turning to her and pushing a few stray strands of pink hair behind her ear.

Sakura looked ready to pull a Hinata and faint there and then. Her face was already bordering on a dangerous shade of red.

"I – I – I'd love to!" she squealed.

"But Sakura-san!" Lee finally exploded, unable to contain himself, "You cannot go with him. I won't allow it!"

Sakura rounded on him, her eyes blazing.

"_You _won't allow it? Who the hell are you to decide who I go on a date with?"

"He is a missing-nin, traitor and wanted criminal," Lee cried, "And as a fellow shinobi of Konoha, I will not allow-"

"Lee," Sasuke said quietly, "I admit I defected, but that was years ago. I'm back now, and the Hokage has accepted me, as have all the shinobi and citizens. You cannot-"

"No!" Lee yelled, "This can't be possible! You're not Sasuke, you're an imposter pretending to be Sasuke-"

"OYE! SASUKE-TEME!"

Lee sighed in relief; that obnoxious voice could only belong to one shinobi, and of course, the presence of Naruto would set both Sakura and Sasuke straight.

Naruto would surely recognize his best friend for who he was and resolve the situation.

"Naruto-kun," Lee welcomed him, before adding, "Your ex-teammate Sasuke is here, in Konoha!"

"Course he is," Naruto panted, skidding to a halt before the group, "And bastard's still my teammate, unfortunately-"

"Usuratonkachi, I'm the one who should be complaining that _I'm_ still stuck with _you,_" Sasuke retorted.

"Please, you know you love me," Naruto rolled his eyes, "I'm the only reason you came back here-"

"Hey!" Sakura protested.

"Oh, hi Sakura-chan, okay, for you too," Naruto amended.

"Came back? You were chasing me like an obsessive fangirl," Sasuke teased, "I couldn't break your heart again, Naru-chan-"

"After you shoved a chidori through it, Sasuke, I'm surprised you're still concerned-"

"If I knew you couldn't handle me, I wouldn't have been so hard on you," Sasuke said, smirking slightly.

"I can handle you no matter how hard you – ECCHI!" Naruto screeched mid-sentence, the innuendo interlaced within Sasuke's words hitting him a few moments too late.

"And you two wonder why half the village thinks you're gay for each other," Sakura shook her head, smacking her forehead with her palm.

"But Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined, "I'm innocent! He's the sick one who's trying to take advantage of my innocence-"

"You make me sound like a sexual stalker!" Sasuke cried, affronted.

"Naruto, Naruto, you _need _to start thinking about how your words sound before you just vomit them all out!" Sakura scolded.

The apparently reunited Team Seven continued their banter, and Lee watched in utter astonishment.

Sasuke was back, and claimed he had been for awhile. Both Sakura and Naruto were fine with this claim. Sasuke and Naruto were bantering (and fake-flirting, was it?) like they were the best of friends, and Sakura was agreeing to go on a date with Sasuke.

Either Lee had a brain concussion that was causing him to lose his memories of the past few years, or he had traveled forth in time – or something was _terribly _wrong in Konoha.

He turned back to Team Seven's conversation, where Naruto and Sasuke were at it again.

"-and it's all your fault!" Naruto was hissing.

"How is it my fault that your girlfriend in pissed at you?" Sasuke shot back.

Lee wondered when Naruto had managed to get a girlfriend.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Naruto muttered, turning red, "...yet."

"Well my point stands, what do _I _have to do with this?"

"It's because I was ten minutes late to our ramen date because I was busy. Training. With _you. _Hence your fault she's mad at me!" Naruto reasoned.

"It's not my fault you prefer training with me over eating ramen with her!"

"That's totally not it, you teme! And this is the third time! She's already suspicious that we're gay-"

"For the tenth time, dobe, I don't care how big of a man-crush you have on me, I just don't think of you that way-"

"Shut up, Sasuke! Basically, I made her wait again today and she's going to _kill _me, and you know how scary Hina-chan gets when she's mad, even if it is sort of hot…"

"Hina-chan?" Lee wondered aloud, "Naruto-kun, could it be that you've finally accepted shy Hinata's hidden feelings for you and-"

"Shy?" Naruto choked, "You're calling _Hinata _shy?"

He looked utterly bewildered and Lee couldn't, for the love of green spandex, figure out why.

Shy and timid were the adjectives most people would associate with the Hyuuga heiress.

"That bitch is _anything _but shy," Sakura shook her head, "The Hyuuga clan is so screwed, with that pervert Neji who's practically a reincarnation of Jiraiya-sama, may his soul rest in peace-"

"Nejiraiya," Naruto piped up, "That's his nickname in the village nowadays… poor Tenten, having to deal with him the most…"

"Nejiraiya?" Lee was shocked.

He was just about to jump to the defense of his honorable teammate Neji, but then considering the events of the morning, he had to concede that Sakura and Naruto had a valid point.

"And Hinata's barely _hidden _her feelings," Sasuke snickered, "Though I've never understood why someone that hot would chase after this idiot-"

"Teme!" Naruto growled.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura looked hurt.

"Oh, come on Sakura," Sasuke rolled his eyes, "It was just an observation, you know my Sharingan only spins for you-"

"_That _was your lamest line yet, Sasuke," it was Naruto's turn to snigger, though Sakura was blushing, yet again.

Lee was still trying to comprehend the extent of the ludicrousness around him, when Naruto suddenly paled.

A mixture of fear and excitement, a most queer expression indeed, crossed his face.

"Sasuke! Sakura-chan!" he squeaked, "Hide me!"

"NARUTOOO!"

It was the cry of a female, an undoubtedly angry female, a cry that promised vengeance and made the blue-haired, blonde-eyed and usually fearless shinobi cower behind his teammates, whimpering.

A lavender and black blur raced towards them, stopping a meter away.

The girl placed her hands on her hips, her white eyes narrow, the veins around them pulsing fearsomely, her pink lips curled back in anger.

"Okay, you little bitch," Hinata snarled, "Stop hiding behind your precious gay lover and come out here and face me like a _man_!"

"I'm not – we're not," Sasuke began, but Hinata threw a vicious glare at him.

"Shut the fuck up, pretty boy, nobody asked your opinion!" she snapped.

Lee could have fainted, there and then.

Of all the eccentric personality flips he had encountered that day – from energetic Kakashi, to clumsy Tenten, to perverted Neji, to shy Ino, to flirtatious and non-traitorous Sasuke – _this – _this took the cake.

Hinata Hyuuga, as he knew her, was a shy, polite, soft-spoken, sweetheart of a girl.

She did not shout or snap or raise her pretty little voice.

She did not glare or scowl or glower or snarl.

She did _not _use expletives, and most certainly referred to her crush as 'Na-Naruto-kun' and never 'little bitch'.

And she was conservative; she certainly did _not _wear the kinds of clothes she was wearing right now, clothes of the style Ino – old, boisterous, confident, showy Ino, not this new Ino – wore.

Extra-short shorts that showed of her lean legs replaced her long blue pants. She still wore her jacket, though it was unzipped, and her fishnet t-shirt had been replaced by something that could only be classified as some form of a fishnet sports bra, that pretty much bared most of her abundant cleavage, and her toned stomach, and left nothing to imagination.

"Hi-Hi-Hina-chan!" Naruto was the one stammering now, and his face was as red as hers used to be, "I'm so sorry! Please don't kill me!"

"You were late. Again," Hinata said, marching forward, her teeth gritted.

Naruto shrank back, and Lee noticed even Sasuke take a small step backwards.

"You were with him, weren't you?" Hinata demanded, and when Naruto didn't answer she glowered at Sasuke.

"Uchiha! Get the fuck out of my way!"

Sasuke obliged, grabbing Sakura's hand and moving aside.

"Teme!" Naruto hissed, and Sasuke looked at him apologetically.

"Stop exchanging secret looks!" Hinata ordered, "My Byakugan can see everything!"

"We – we weren't Hina-chan!" Naruto cried.

Hinata stomped towards him, grabbing his collar, wrenching him towards her so that their noses were brushing.

Naruto turned red – very, very red.

"Don't lie to me, Naruto-kun," she whispered menacingly, "I'll make you regret it."

"Ye-yes Hina-chan," Naruto said obediently, and for a moment, Lee suspected he was enjoying the dark-haired girl's uncharacteristic aggressiveness.

"Now, answer me. Why were you late – for the _third _time, I might add, for our date?"

"I – I – I was –"

"You were with _Sasuke, _weren't you?" Hinata murmured, her lips moving over Naruto's jaw.

Lee was scandalized. Hinata had never dared to _touch _Naruto, and when the blonde touched her she usually passed out. But _this _– this was bold and daring and _wrong_!

Naruto didn't answer, but let out some sort of garbled noise.

"I'll repeat myself," Hinata snapped, before turning her attention back on his jaw.

Her lips trailed down to his neck and she grinded up against him.

"You were with Sasuke, weren't you?"

"I – I was," Naruto gasped out, his hands moving to grip Hinata's hips, "But I wasn't – I'm not-"

"You're not gay?" Hinata asked mockingly, pulling back slightly.

"No – I'm not Hina-chan – I – I – you – "

"I think I'll have to test that for myself," Hinata said, smirking and there was a dark threat underlying her voice.

"Yeah – yeah you do that," Naruto said shakily, though he was trembling more out of excitement than fear now.

Hinata's hands scraped down Naruto's chest, and she was dangerously close to kissing the boy, full on the lips.

Lee thought he saw a flash of red in Naruto's otherwise deep blue eyes, but then Hinata turned her head slightly and shot them all a white-eyed glare, accompanied by a rather rude hand gesture.

"Jealous, Uchiha?" she spat out, and Sasuke stared at her, wide-eyed.

"Seriously guys, stop enjoying the show and get the fuck out of here," Hinata snapped, "I need to teach _Naruto-kun _a little lesson about what happens when he keeps a lady waiting…"

"We should go," Sakura said, "Sasuke-kun, Lee – let's get out of here."

And Lee decided he'd had enough of this lunacy.

He'd go the Hokage. Tsunade-sama, surely, would have a solution.

Just as Hinata pushed Naruto up against a wall and began kissing him furiously, Rock Lee leapt up and took the roofs.

:::::

"Hokage-sama! Hokage-sama!" Lee pounded on the door to the Hokage's office anxiously.

"Come in!" a sharp voice ordered.

The door opened and Lee stumbled in, to find Tsunade behind her desk, scribbling away at a scroll.

"Hokage-sama," Lee bowed respectfully and the woman looked up.

"No need to call me that, I'm just filling in for the day," Tsunade said, lowering her glasses, "Is something the matter?"

Lee studied Tsunade for a moment. She seemed the same as before, other than the newly acquired glasses – though it appeared she had lost some weight, particularly around the chest area, though that wasn't really Lee's concern.

"Speak up," Tsunade barked, "I have a bunch of papers Minato-sama wants me to sign and I intend to finish them before lunchtime!"

"Apologies, Tsunade-sama," Lee said quickly, "It's just – I've noticed a lot of concerning things today, regarding my fellow shinobi…"

"Whatever do you mean?" Tsunade asked.

"From my teammates to Sakura-san, to Hinata-san," Lee explained, "They're all acting very abnormal, different from their usual behavior. It really disturbs me, Hokage-sama. They don't seem like imposters, but they certainly don't seem like themselves."

"Hm," Tsunade nodded, leaning forwards keenly, "I haven't heard any such reports about abnormal behavior from my shinobi. Could you elaborate?"

"Well-" Lee began, but Tsunade interrupted him.

"Wait, I'll need to have notes taken on this. Shizune!"

A few moments later, Shizune staggered in, her face flushed.

"Tshunade – shama…" she slurred, "You – you – shummoned me?"

"Shizune!" Tsunade yelled, "How many times have I told you, drinking on duty is expressly forbidden!"

"My – apologies," Shizune giggled, not looking even slightly repentant.

Lee's eyes grew wide; Shizune was known to be dedicated and hard-working, never the kind to drink on the job! He hadn't expected her to inherit Tsunade-sama's notorious drinking habits!

Moreover her chest – she looked different, like she had gained weight. It was almost as if she had swapped chests with Tsunade-sama, though Lee knew this idea was ridiculous.

"How did you even get the sake?" Tsunade questioned, "I had ANBU clear your entire stash last week!"

"G-Genma, he got me it," Shizune sighed dreamily, "He's really – cute, you know?"

Tsunade growled in frustration.

"Go drink some water, and clean yourself up, before you show me your face again! And damnit, where's the rest of the paperwork, Shizune? You were supposed to get it delivered to me fifteen minutes ago!"

"Yeah," Shizune said absently, almost tipping over as she made her way out of the office, "Will do!"

And then she was gone, and Tsunade buried her head in her arms.

"Stupid Shizune, always adding to my stress," Tsunade was ranting under her breath, "So inefficient, _never _on time when it comes to paperwork, always drinking, always running after shinobi… I swear if it wasn't for Dan she would have been fired _years _ago!"

Lee guessed that the Hokage was not in the mood to entertain him further and politely took his leave from her office, as Tsunade returned to her paperwork.

:::::

Lee was going to combust.

He was actually going to turn into a real-life Morning Peacock and start spurting out mini fireballs in all directions.

Just moments ago, he had bumped into Kiba.

Kiba, who seemed to have foregone his lifelong friend and partner Akamaru, in favor of a cat.

A white cat which was perched happily on his shoulders as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And Kiba was petting the cat and crooning and talking to it.

And a few minutes before that, he'd seen Chouji.

A stick-thin Chouji with not an extra ounce of poundage on his usually rotund figure.

And even before that, Lee had sworn he'd seen a blonde man accompanied by a pretty red-haired woman. There was nothing strange about the couple, except for the fact that the blonde man looked _exactly _like their late fourth Hokage, the one who's face was carved out on the Hokage mountain for all to see.

Not to mention, he had been wearing the red-flamed white Hokage cloak.

Lee then remembered some of the strange things that Tsunade had said to him; he'd been to preoccupied at the time to realize their significance, but it hit him now.

_'No need to call me that, I'm just filling in for the day.'_

_'I have a bunch of papers Minato-sama wants me to sign…'_

It suddenly struck him, like a bolt of Chidori.

"Tsunade-sama – she's not – she's not the Hokage!" Lee burst out.

"Course not. Good thing too, she'd work us all way to hard. It's already a pain having someone so ambitious on the council…" a familiar voice muttered.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee spun around, lighting up, "Finally! I've been looking for you!"

"Lee," Gai yawned, "Why aren't you training?"

"I was, Gai-sensei, but then Neji and Tenten started acting weird, and everyone in the village has gone crazy, and Sasuke is back and Tsunade-sama isn't Hokage and I don't know what's happening, and I've been searching for you, where have you been?" Lee exclaimed breathlessly, all of this said in the span of ten seconds, a commendable feat.

Gai stared at him, raising a thick eyebrow and frowning.

"I was sleeping… and you're _way _too energetic for your own good, Lee."

"But – but – Gai-sensei!" Lee was aghast, "You're the one who told me we should always burn brightly with the flames of our youth-"

"I never said that," Gai shook his head, looking exasperated, "Have you been talking to that hotblooded Kakashi again? I swear, there's something loose in that man's head…"

There was a sudden crash and the sound of metal clanging against metal, as two familiar looking shinobi hurtled past them.

Tenten was in the front, running as fast as her chakra-powered legs could carry her, firing weapons indiscriminately behind her. Her clothes, for some reason, had multiple tears and holes in them, and her arms were covered in scratches and blood.

Not far behind was Neji, sprinting after her with a crazed, hungry look in his eyes, his arms outstretched.

"Tenten-chan! It is fated that you will be the holster to my kunai! Do not try running from our destiny!"

"AIYEEE! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SICKO!"

And just as the hurricane of destruction that was his teammates passed away, Sakura and Sasuke came strolling along, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes with the most sickeningly tender expressions.

"It was always my dream to restore my clan Sakura," Sasuke was saying, "And it would be interesting to see how green eyes could morph into red-"

"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura swooned.

And then came Kiba, chasing after a scruffy dog, his cat in tow.

"Come back you stupid mutt!" Kiba snarled, "How dare you bark at my Akaneko!"

And then came Hinata, who was towing a very flustered, dazed yet satisfying Naruto by the hand, glaring at anyone who got in her way.

"Gai-sensei!" Lee turned to his mentor in one last desperate attempt, "I'm feeling kind of down… why don't we train together? 500 laps around the village, on our hands?"

Gai looked at him like he was crazy.

And then he stated his thoughts.

"You're crazy, Lee, that's impossible," Gai said flatly, "I'm really worn out, I'm going back to rest for awhile. Get your teammates and tell them I'll see you in the evening…"

And then Rock Lee, drained from the events that had occurred, couldn't take that one last hit to his sanity.

He keeled over, his eyes fluttering shut, and everything went black around him, as he fainted.

:::::

_A/N – hee hee. Poor Lee. That was fun though!_

_From the Road to Ninja drawings Kishimoto released, I just LOVE badass/aggressive Hinata and flirty Sasuke! They're the best! There also seems to me SasuSaku and NaruHina if the covers are anything to go by. _

_Love how Hinata shows a finger to all NaruHina haters in the cover! (If you're wondering why I made her use expletives, if she's showing the middle finger, I don't think it's far-fetched to consider that she could do that; also in the trailer she's all close to Naruto with her Byakugan on and she says something along the lines of "I'll kill you'' which inspired her overly aggressive personality in my depiction)_

_And yes, Sasuke buying Sakura flowers is a legit thing, happens in the trailer, except it's a single rose and not a bouquet. _

_And yeah, from the cover and Neji's expression and hand position in his sketches, he seems like a mega-pervert to me! (The cover has him eyeing clumsy, patched-up Tenten, which makes me happy. That's NejiTen for sure! I mean, in the manga canon, I think they have a thing, and in Road to Ninja his hidden desires actually come out in a very flamboyant and perverted way)_

_And yeah, Kiba's cat is named Akaneko, because 'neko' is Japanese for 'cat' and I lack creativity when it comes to naming things!  
_

_I don't know if I should add a second chapter, for when everyone breaks out of Madara's genjutsu. Assuming they still have their memories of how they acted during the genjutsu, it could be fun seeing how they interact around each other once they get their normal personalities back!_

_Maybe if I have time and enough people want that, I'll consider it._

_Till then please leave me a review, and let me know what you think!_

_Also – does anyone know when the movie is being released online and subbed? Because I read on a site that that won't be till next year, and if that's the case, I will DIE! (sadly I don't know Japanese)_

_Hope you liked the story, and go watch the movie! And in case one of you do see the film, please PM me because I NEED TO KNOW THE PLOT! (I'm assuming some forum will have spoilers) _

_That's all for now!_

_xoxo_

_HighQueen _


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